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Written by Mara Cîrciu, Atlanta, Georgia   
Tuesday, 18 July 2017 13:41

“Cum imi inving dusmanii? Simplu: ii transform in prieteni!” Abraham Lincoln

 

Cred ca sfatul lui Lincoln ar trebui urmat, daca l-a ajutat pe el, sunt ferm convinsa ca ne va ajuta si pe noi, cei ce traim intr-o lume mai dura si mai pragmatica decat lumea secolului XIX. Majoritatea dintre noi suntem nevoiti sa interactionam zilnic cu persoane dificile, fie pe plan profesional sau in cercul nostru mai restrans,familie si prieteni. Nu ne este greu deloc sa recunoastem aceste persoane: mereu nemultumite, agresive, critice, insistente, arogante, insolente, lipsite de bun-simt, ostile, sarcastice, refuzand sa-si asume responsabilitati, gata oricand sa-i invinovatesca pe cei din jur, putin inclinate sa asculte punctele de vedere ale celorlalti sau mai rau, respingandu-le din principiu pentru ca doar ei au intotdeauna dreptate…si lista ar putea continua.

 


Intr-o lume ideala, pur si simplu i-am evita! In lumea reala insa ne sunt colaboratori, sefi, colegi, parteneri de viata, rude apropiate sau chiar prieteni. In unele cazuri ruperea relatiilor cu astfel de persoane implica niste costuri prea mari, de aceea pentru a le face fata cu succes avem nevoie sa invatam cum gandesc, care sunt temerile lor cele mai profunde, motivatia actiunilor si de ce fac ceea ce fac.


Comunicarea verbala intre doua persoane implica la un moment dat si nasterea unor conflicte. Aceasta situatie aduce teama in sufletul nostru si incercam pe cat posibil sa evitam conflictele in special cu cei ce ne sunt apropiati si fata de care avem o afectiune. Conflictele sunt cauzate de diferente de opinie si se agraveaza atunci cand nu reusim sa ascultam si nevoile celui de langa noi. Intr-o discutie contradictorie avem sansa de a descoperi la ce anume nu ne-am gandit dintr-o situatie data. Orice parere diferita de a noastra ne largeste orizontul si totdata ne imbogateste imaginea creata de noi. Totul este sa avem o deschidere inspre nou in abordarea problemei, sa fim dispusi sa privim situatia dintr-un unghi diferit, prin prisma unei persone cu o experienta de viata diferita de a noastra. Mai ales daca dorim intr-adevar sa rezolvam conflictul, vom reusi sa vedem si punctul de vedere al celuilalt.

Pentru a ajunge la o rezolvare pasnica a oricarui conflict exista mai multe elemente care isi aduc aportul; prima reactie intr-o situatie conflictuala este atitudinea defensiva. Daca suntem atenti la aceasta atitudine s-ar putea sa descoperim ca in aceste momente pierdem multe informatii utile pentru rezolvarea situatiei.


Inainte de a incepe sa ne gandim la ceea ce dorim sa transmitem, trebuie sa ascultam activ ceea ce are de spus interlocutorul. Este foarte important sa-i oferim sansa de a fi ascultat si inteles. Uneori oamenii doresc doar pe cineva care sa-i faca sa se simta importanti si recurg la diverse metode pentru a se face ascultati. Adevarata problema se poate descoperi numai daca punem intrebari edificatoare si ajugem la miezul problemei.


Trebui sa gasim puncte de acord, elemente asupra carora suntem de acord si sa insistam in primul rand pe ele. Acestea sunt cele pe care putem cladi un dialog care sa rezolve conflictul si sa minimalizeze tensiunea. Monologul nu va rezolva situatia, ci dimpotriva va adanci disensiunea.


Greselile recunoscute reduc atitudinea defensiva pe care o are partenerul de dialog. Toata lumea greseste, greaseala este omeneasca si nu ne atinge cu nimic demnitatea daca admitem sincer ca am gresit si dorim o indreptare a situatiei.


Uneori parerile celorlalti pot sa aduca noi elemente in discutie si este bine sa evaluam sincer si deschis faptul ca ne-au ajutat, asadar multumiti sincer interlocutorului. De multe ori, cei care ne contrazic doresc sa ne ajute si astfel vom reusi sa transformam dusmanii in prieteni.

In orice situatie, retineti ca este important sa va pastrati autocontrolul, sa nu reactionati negativ, sa pastrati un limbaj al corpului neutru. Orice actiune naste o reactie, si de cele mai multe ori reactia este o oglinda a actiunii initiale, ex.: ridici tonul, interlocultorul va ridica tonul si mai tare; zambesti, interlocultorul iti va zambi. Nu te astepta la opusul reactiei, si nu cere mai mult decat esti dispus sa oferi! Atitudinea pozitiva, optimismul sunt necesare in comunicare si mai ales compasiunea si intelegerea fata de nevoile si dorintele celui de langa tine.


A fi uman este nu numai un principiu crestin vechi de mii de ani, ci si un model de viata! Cu totii avem griji, nevoi, necazuri si fiecarora dintre noi ni se par mai usor de suportat si de invins daca le impartim cu cei apropiati noua, asa cum bucuriile si implinirile noastre sunt mai frumoase si mai depline alaturi de semenii nostri.


 

Last Updated on Tuesday, 18 July 2017 13:41
 

Imagini din Timisoara Romania, foto Nelutzu Urs

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